1
00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:01,733
[music]

2
00:00:01,767 --> 00:00:05,133
Han Lee: Welcome to that
Diner
ATM opening ceremony

3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,100
Dadadadaaa!

4
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:09,000
[laughter]

5
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:09,967
Max Black: You all know that
he's not

6
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,667
normal sized scissors in hand
holds.

7
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,033
[laughter]

8
00:00:13,067 --> 00:00:14,333
Caroline Channing: Han is just
glad,

9
00:00:14,367 --> 00:00:16,900
that there is something in the diner that
is the same size as him.

10
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:17,900
[laughter]

11
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,000
Earl: Han, that's a number
which doesn't do anything at all,

12
00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:21,800
neither did the diner.

13
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[laughter]

14
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Han Lee: This machine is
hereby opened!

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[Laughter]

16
00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,467
Oleg: If you don't have them anymore
need,

17
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,167
I want the bush around mine
Pruning love palm.

18
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[laughter]

19
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Han Lee: And if you do that
When finished, throw them away.

20
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[laughter]

21
00:00:39,533 --> 00:00:40,967
Sophie Kachinsky: Hello friends!

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[hooting]

23
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Huh, yellow caution tape? Is
someone dead again?

24
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[laughter]

25
00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:50,200
Han Lee: No, we have one
ATMs.

26
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:51,067
Max Black: A white thing with

27
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Money slot next to a small one
yellow

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Man with slits for eyes.

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[laughter]

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Han Lee: Well, thanks for speaking
Man.

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[laughter]

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Sophie Kachinsky: I'm running out
the way,

33
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this bride wants to go to that now
go to the bank.

34
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:03,367
[laughter]

35
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,133
Han Lee: Please be careful, you
are the very first.

36
00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:06,267
Max Black: There you have it
long on it

37
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,800
Waited to tell a woman
say.

38
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[laughter]

39
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:19,167
[theme music]

40
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Max Black: Okay, I see neither
Deke still

41
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Cops and other shit,
let's break in!

42
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[laughter]

43
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Caroline Channing: I understand
not,

44
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why we in the dumpster
from yours

45
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friend break in.

46
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The only thing I have left
less

47
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understand is how you stand
pee.

48
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[laughter]

49
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Max Black: Why, how do you pee
you then?

50
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Listen, I'll take care of myself
Separate Deke.

51
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,467
And this is the phase in which
relationship,

52
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,067
in which I break into his house
and get my stuff,

53
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so I don't have to tell him
that I break up with him.

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[laughter]

55
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Caroline Channing: You did
just everyone

56
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romantic comedy about one
hour shortened.

57
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Max Black: You're welcome.

58
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:54,433
[Laughter]

59
00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,867
Max Black: This is my first one
Friend who has a crank.

60
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I always had to do the other one
crank one.

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[laughter]

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00:02:00,033 --> 00:02:01,267
Okay, that's the plan.

63
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,000
You climb on the boxes,
button that

64
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Open the window, jump in
containers -

65
00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:06,700
and grab it
Spare key on the
sideboard.

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Caroline Channing: You think so
you daily

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00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,167
something new when you get up
out,

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00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,500
to humiliate me?

69
00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:11,533
Why do I have to do this?

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00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:13,700
Max Black: I'm up
Probation, Caroline.

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00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,133
[Laughter]

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00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:16,300
Caroline Channing: We break
here just in a dumpster
a.

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I don't think that's illegal.

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[laughter]

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Max Black: I thought so too,
That's why I'm on probation.

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[laughter]

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Right light switch, key
left.

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[car honks]

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We did that once when
Deke that

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key in his
Forgot your favorite bar.

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00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,400
It's just a store where you can...
his

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drink the alcohol you bought straight away
may.

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The boss just looks away.

84
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Well, he's blind.

85
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[Laughter]

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00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:44,267
Deke just always knew who
coolest places.

87
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,467
Caroline Channing: Yes, and
Then why are you breaking up with?
him?

88
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He is perfect for you.

89
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You two are holding it
Can of tuna for one
acceptable quarters.

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[laughter]

91
00:02:52,933 --> 00:02:54,400
Well, then he has money.

92
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:57,433
Max Black: But people with
Money doesn't live in the same
Reality.

93
00:02:57,467 --> 00:03:00,233
Do you think Donald Trump would have
this hair if he were poor?

94
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,467
Now come on, I'll grab it
my toothbrush and we hit
off.

95
00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:04,500
Caroline Channing: You had
a payment brush with him?

96
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:06,133
Oh, you really like him
had.

97
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,400
[laughter]

98
00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:09,533
Second - Max, is that one
from your garden gnomes?

99
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,467
Oh my god, you're practical
moved in with him.

100
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This is your favorite dwarf,
the Snow White rammer.

101
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,833
[laughter]

102
00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,100
Max Black: No, this is it
my

103
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second favorite - my favorite
is the one

104
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Over-the-seven-mountains dwarf.

105
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[laughter]

106
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And he's not here because he
already over

107
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all 7 mountains is, exactly where
I want to go too.

108
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,467
[Laughter]

109
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Let's go!

110
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:31,633
Caroline Channing: You have to
don't ask me twice

111
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from a dumpster
to run away.

112
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[laughter]

113
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Deke: Look at that! Well,
if it isn't Maximilian.

114
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Or should I say: Max
hates my millions.

115
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[laughter]

116
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:45,200
Why don't you walk the wall
Occupy Street?

117
00:03:45,233 --> 00:03:46,333
[laughter]

118
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,567
Max Black: I just have mine
Brought a toothbrush.

119
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Now you can go in alone again

120
00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:51,700
your ivory dumpster
sit and fart diamonds.

121
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:52,700
[Laughter]

122
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,567
So don't take this the wrong way,
Uncle Pennybags.

123
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,700
I'm not here to see aunt
Being penny bags.

124
00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,633
Caroline Channing: Max, who is
Uncle Pennybags?

125
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:00,900
Is he one of those who?
touched you?

126
00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:02,000
[laughter]

127
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,667
Max and Deke together: He is
the Monopoly man.

128
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,133
[laughter]

129
00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,167
Caroline Channing: See,
you are perfect for each other.

130
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,000
Deke: Yes, Max, we are one
much better version of John
and Yoko.

131
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,733
So we are John without Yoko.

132
00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:14,000
[laughter]

133
00:04:14,033 --> 00:04:15,500
Who cares about my few?
Million dollars?

134
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:17,833
Caroline Channing: A hundred pairs
millions and

135
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,467
that is the lowest
Estimate according to Bing.

136
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,933
[laughter]

137
00:04:20,967 --> 00:04:23,133
Max Black: Well, I'm coming
again later, Deke.

138
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:24,167
Let's go, Caroline.

139
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,600
Deke: No, Max, you're coming
not again.

140
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,567
You get your things because you
want to leave me.

141
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,300
But you have a killer muff,

142
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,033
to tell me that you love me
leaves.

143
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:33,800
Max sputters: What?

144
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,033
I'm not breaking up with you
you. Yes, are you crazy?

145
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,500
I just wanted my toothbrush
get,

146
00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:40,000
because I have lunch
unpushed

147
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,267
had shrimp,

148
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,067
and still bowls between
hanging on my teeth.

149
00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:43,367
[laughter]

150
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,600
So, see you tonight
for sex and a few others
things.

151
00:04:47,633 --> 00:04:49,233
I don't plan on seeing you
leave.

152
00:04:50,633 --> 00:04:51,967
This separation was full
brutal.

153
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,133
[laughter]

154
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:58,133
[music]

155
00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,767
Earl: Hey, Max, I heard
our

156
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,033
Boyfriend Deke is pretty
well-heeled. I should have known
have to.

157
00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:06,833
The grass he gave me
was of the best quality.

158
00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:08,267
[laughter]

159
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,167
And free!

160
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,667
[Laughter]

161
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,667
Max Black: Earl, people
change through money, that
I know.

162
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,100
Every time the
food stamps came,

163
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,600
said my mother: "Max Who?"

164
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,233
[laughter]

165
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:21,033
Deke: Hello, my values
Friends!

166
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,033
[laughter]

167
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:26,267
You are right today
count yourself lucky,

168
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:29,400
there a rich person yours
Dive bar to

169
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:30,433
seek out food.

170
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:35,467
Caroline, I would like a place setting
in Max's area, please.

171
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,433
Because it's time for them to come on
meets the man

172
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,867
of which I pretended
he wouldn't be.

173
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,767
The veil has been lifted.
She was right.

174
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,733
I am the Monopoly man.

175
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:46,933
[laughter]

176
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:48,133
Caroline Channing: Here
along, sir,

177
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:49,367
we still have a table for
You in ours

178
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:50,867
Break clown area.

179
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,933
[laughter]

180
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:55,600
Max Black: Fine, I give up
because you make me laugh
brought.

181
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,567
[laughter]

182
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,067
I would miss all of that if
I wouldn't see you anymore.

183
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,600
So I suggest we
stay friends and
Pastry school partner.

184
00:06:05,233 --> 00:06:06,867
Deke: Pastry school partner?

185
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,167
Your breasts are in mine
Testament mentioned.

186
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,500
[laughter]

187
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,967
Come on, you can do me
but not really abandoned.

188
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,200
Max Black: We can always
still do everything,

189
00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:17,900
what we want for the future
have made,

190
00:06:17,933 --> 00:06:20,300
like: Han's apartment with
Soiling all over toilet paper.

191
00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:21,167
I'm not a monster.

192
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,300
[laughter]

193
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,367
Deke: Max!

194
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,300
Max Black: Deke, you can
not be my friend.

195
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,667
From now on I'll be like them
Welfare.

196
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:27,300
You have to be broke to do anything
get.

197
00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:27,900
[laughter]

198
00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:33,367
[music]

199
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,333
Caroline Channing: Max, it would be
good,

200
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,833
if you are separating from
Deke again

201
00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:36,867
you became superior.

202
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:39,367
I mean, you two understand
you fantastic.

203
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,533
He lives in a garbage can.

204
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,833
He shares your love for
Pee jokes.

205
00:06:43,867 --> 00:06:45,067
[laughter]

206
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,300
He can do things in his hair
hide.

207
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:48,300
[laughter]

208
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,267
Max Black: Than you haven't yet
from his

209
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:50,800
You knew money, you liked it all
these things

210
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,300
not on him.

211
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,100
Caroline Channing: Yes, but
People can change.

212
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,533
So change and have him
sweet again.

213
00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:57,667
Come on, please Max, be
not so stubborn.

214
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,500
How about you again
sleep on it?

215
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:02,233
Right now - shoo, go in
Bed, shooshhooshhoosh!

216
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:03,467
[laughter]

217
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,600
Max Black: But you did
in a hurry to masturbate.

218
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:09,533
[laughter]

219
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:13,533
Deke: Hello, girlfriend!

220
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:15,800
Come on, get in.

221
00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:16,667
[laughter]

222
00:07:18,033 --> 00:07:19,367
Max Black: I told you
already, I don't want that
see more.

223
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,367
Deke: Why, you're mine
Girlfriend - he is my friend.

224
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,067
We're all just friends.

225
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,867
Max Black: Where did you get it?
Key here?

226
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,700
Deke: Don't be mad, I have
asked her for help.

227
00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:29,100
Max Black: Caroline, come on
here immediately!

228
00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:30,767
Caroline Channing: Not possible
I'm masturbating!

229
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,433
[laughter]

230
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,033
Max Black: Caroline!

231
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,900
What's going on here?
new shoes?

232
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,900
Caroline Channing: Uh - yeah.

233
00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:42,967
Max Black: And where do they come from?
all at once?

234
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,267
Caroline Channing: They were
just there.

235
00:07:44,467 --> 00:07:45,800
[laughter]

236
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,200
Max Black: Your size?

237
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,900
Caroline Channing: E... It is
a miracle!

238
00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,400
[laughter]

239
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:52,000
Deke: Uh, that was me.

240
00:07:52,033 --> 00:07:53,633
The shoes are a gift from
me.

241
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:55,900
Max Black: And why do you think

242
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,900
that you are my roommate
can buy?

243
00:07:57,933 --> 00:07:59,300
Deke: She said, "I give it to you
the key,

244
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,767
if you buy me new shoes."

245
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:01,900
[laughter]

246
00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,967
Caroline Channing: Ha, for them
Love!

247
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,300
I only have it for love
made.

248
00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:10,867
You two have to be together,
like me and these shoes.

249
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:12,700
Deke: Come on, give me that
Chance, mine

250
00:08:12,733 --> 00:08:14,833
express deep feelings
bring.

251
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,133
Max, I want to tell you one thing:

252
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,300
Bfffffft!

253
00:08:18,467 --> 00:08:20,300
[laughter]

254
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,667
I don't want just a friend
be, I want to be your friend.

255
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:26,167
Max Black: Looks more like
did you want to be my girlfriend?

256
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,733
[laughter]

257
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,700
Caroline Channing: Maybe
I can do this
convey.

258
00:08:29,733 --> 00:08:31,100
Deke: How much does that cost?
again?

259
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:32,567
Caroline Channing: Nothing.

260
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,433
So - Max thinks she has
not enough

261
00:08:35,467 --> 00:08:37,200
Friend deserves because she has
a

262
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,867
low self-esteem.

263
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:42,200
Max Black: Wrong, I didn't
no self-esteem.

264
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:43,267
[Laughter]

265
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,167
And your balls are sticking out
Kimono out.

266
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:50,700
Deke: Max, not even two years ago
days

267
00:08:50,733 --> 00:08:52,167
could you remember mine?
Eggs cooked

268
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:52,833
don't get enough of it.

269
00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:54,133
[laughter]

270
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,367
Max Black: But there they were
still poor

271
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,767
and I felt pity for them.

272
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,567
[laughter]

273
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,200
Caroline Channing: Come on,
You two fit so well
to each other.

274
00:09:01,233 --> 00:09:03,633
You are like Romeo and Juliet
Egg paradise.

275
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:05,967
Max Black: Sorry about that
nothing can happen.

276
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,867
It's like the two of us
different religions

277
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,633
had, like - what were two
Religions?

278
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,400
Caroline Channing: Ah, pull
you just that

279
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:15,600
Audience joker, or you know
really not

280
00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:16,633
two religions?

281
00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:18,133
[laughter]

282
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,933
Max Black: Let's say a witch
and a smurf.

283
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:22,833
[laughter]

284
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,300
Deke: Question answered.

285
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,033
[laughter]

286
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,500
Max Black: So that means me
I'm the witch and you are the one
Smurf.

287
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:30,767
We could never be together
be, everyone knows that.

288
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,967
I always feel like a witch
lived and never looked like a smurf.

289
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,167
I do not understand you.

290
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,300
What's it like when you're blue and
is soft - I have no idea.

291
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:37,733
As a witch you are green and
powerful.

292
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:39,300
[laughter]

293
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:40,733
Deke: That means you can
nothing with me

294
00:09:40,767 --> 00:09:42,167
start because you'll never have one
Smurf

295
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,200
have you been?

296
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,433
Wow, that's intense.

297
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,033
Well, then I'll go.

298
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,867
Oh, I'd rather wear this one
silly

299
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:50,433
Fumble out and slip into mine
dress.

300
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,567
[laughter]

301
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,033
Max Black: And also there is
them back the shoes.

302
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,267
Caroline Channing: Oh no, that
she doesn't.

303
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,433
[laughter]

304
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:04,567
[music]

305
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:07,733
Max Black: Select language,
English,

306
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:09,433
Spanish, Chinese,
French.

307
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,433
They would have that on the diner
vote

308
00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:13,100
should: hipsters, bums,
junkies,

309
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,133
pregnant teens.

310
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,133
[laughter]

311
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,500
Earl: Don't forget, ballerina
with head wound.

312
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,533
[laughter]

313
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:21,133
Max Black: Would you like yours
Find out your account balance?

314
00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:23,267
Caroline Channing: This one
ATM is a bitch.

315
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,700
[laughter]

316
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:25,767
Max Black: Then I will
the

317
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,600
terrible truth from the
Pull slot.

318
00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:30,100
Earl: Oleg says that too, if
he's done with a woman.

319
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:32,267
[Laughter]

320
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,300
Max Black: Caroline, look
this one

321
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,533
Excerpt, something is wrong.

322
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,067
So many zeros at once
there was that

323
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,833
last time here on the
Christmas party.

324
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,867
Caroline Channing: It says
a million and 17 dollars.

325
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:43,400
Han, your ATM is broken,

326
00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:45,033
He's got Max a million right now
gifted.

327
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,000
Oleg: Out of the way, out of the way,
out of the way!

328
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:51,633
[laughter]

329
00:10:51,867 --> 00:10:54,733
That's him, the broken one
ATM of millions
given away!

330
00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:58,067
I always thought that was a
Old wives' tales like genital warts.

331
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,933
[Laughter]

332
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:01,633
Han Lee: Everyone please hold this
air on.

333
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,800
The damn thing has to break
be.

334
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,100
And that, although I mean
wallet

335
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:06,300
That's why I'm so open.

336
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,800
Max Black: For my two in
Spanish

337
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,200
I had to spread my legs
open.

338
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,300
Oleg: Damn, my account is
the way it was before.

339
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,433
Blocked.

340
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,100
[laughter]

341
00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:19,367
Earl: Earlier, Deke had these
Leave a message for you.

342
00:11:19,833 --> 00:11:21,767
I forgot because I
120 am.

343
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,900
[laughter]

344
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,233
Max Black: Now you know how
it itself

345
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:28,300
feels like being a smurf
is.

346
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:29,900
Can that be grasped?

347
00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:32,467
Deke gave me a million
Dollars for free!

348
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,533
Caroline Channing: So that's it
a real million.

349
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,500
[laughter]

350
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:42,300
[Caroline sobs]

351
00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:44,833
The million is real!

352
00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:48,967
Do you have a million dollars?

353
00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:51,033
We are millionaires?

354
00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:56,767
[music]

355
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,600
Max Black: Oh, good morning,
good man.

356
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,000
I recently got some money
come,

357
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:03,767
hence the candy crown.

358
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:04,700
[laughter]

359
00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:06,167
And I want prosperity
distribute.

360
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,400
Here, you get a pound
Coffee.

361
00:12:09,433 --> 00:12:11,500
These are 100 percent Arabica
Beans.

362
00:12:11,533 --> 00:12:12,367
I'm a millionaire.

363
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,467
[laughter]

364
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,867
If you wake up rich,
that's super cool.

365
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,233
[laughter]

366
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:21,067
I have presents with me today
for all my best friends.

367
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:23,767
Here, guy standing behind me.

368
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,600
A pack of 12
Triple A batteries for you.

369
00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:30,400
And yes, in the electronics discounter
they had to

370
00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,400
specially the glass case for it
unlock.

371
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:35,333
Here, lady, on the other
Page.

372
00:12:36,033 --> 00:12:39,300
A shampoo and conditioner!

373
00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,733
Herbal Essences, not a big one
thing.

374
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:46,133
Don't think I have
Forgot you, fluffy forehead.

375
00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:50,667
A Godiva chocolate box!

376
00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:52,433
Oh no, you're not dreaming.

377
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,433
I said: Godiva.

378
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,833
[laughter]

379
00:12:55,867 --> 00:12:57,667
Caroline Channing: Max, me
I have to tell you something great.

380
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,167
Max Black: And you, Mrs
betrayed me for shoes.

381
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:02,067
I have something special for you
worried,

382
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,100
when I was shopping for gifts.

383
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:06,100
You always like to say “Whom
I have to

384
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,367
here for a chip mare clip
fuck?"

385
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,200
Me.

386
00:13:09,233 --> 00:13:11,033
[laughter]

387
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,767
Caroline Channing: Like, you did
Spent money?

388
00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:14,900
How much of our million
do you have on yours,

389
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:16,667
let's call it a shopping trip,
lost?

390
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,667
[laughter]

391
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,233
Max Black: I practically have
squandered everything.

392
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:20,967
134 dollars!

393
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,967
[laughter]

394
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:23,833
Caroline Channing: Okay,

395
00:13:23,867 --> 00:13:25,000
the math class is with you
failed.

396
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,267
Or would have if you
would have gone.

397
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:30,267
Whatever, I'm too excited.

398
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:32,600
The first question is: when
Do we quit at the diner?

399
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,500
Max Black: What are you talking about, us
don't quit in the diner.

400
00:13:34,533 --> 00:13:36,000
I'll give him the rest of it
money again.

401
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,733
Caroline Channing: Second,
Get on it nicely
brake.

402
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:40,067
Max Black: What's the problem,

403
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,667
you have a chip bag clip,
that's enough.

404
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:43,833
I just wanted something for Deke
demonstrate.

405
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,433
Caroline Channing: You give it
not him again!

406
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:47,400
I have plans, big plans!

407
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:49,667
First we cancel, then we meet
we the guy,

408
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,500
the one from this puny one
Million three makes.

409
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,000
Don't worry, he wasn't into that

410
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,467
My father's pyramid scheme
entangled.

411
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:56,333
So not under his
current name.

412
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:58,133
[laughter]

413
00:13:58,167 --> 00:13:59,267
Deke: What's up, Smurfette?

414
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:01,933
Max Black: Oh, hello Deke!

415
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:03,700
I already have all the presents
distributed,

416
00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:05,267
which I have with your million
bought.

417
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:06,633
But now you will experience
like me

418
00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:08,400
the fat Berta as
Buy a baking partner.

419
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:10,400
Fat Berta: Who says me?
am on offer?

420
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,833
Max Black: A
Firefighter calendar.

421
00:14:14,633 --> 00:14:17,067
And another one
Firefighter calendar.

422
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,267
[laughter]

423
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,433
Fat Berta: Sold.

424
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,667
[laughter]

425
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,233
Max Black: Surprised that I
I spent so much, huh?

426
00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:27,033
Well, there you have it
mistaken.

427
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,300
I shelled out $134!

428
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:31,433
[Laughter]

429
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,000
Deke: Max, I wanted you
what you spend

430
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:34,933
so you know what it's like
to be rich.

431
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,433
Now we're both Smurfs
and I'll fit in with you again.

432
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,400
Do you feel like doing manual work?
next to that

433
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:41,700
Oven, like last Thursday?

434
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:43,000
[laughter]

435
00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:45,733
Max Black: Ah, so you had
plan to buy me with money?

436
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,600
Well, I'm not a high-priced one
call girl,

437
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:50,600
because the Superbowl weekend
is over.

438
00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:51,633
[laughter]

439
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:53,867
Here, I'll give you the rest of it
the money back.

440
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,767
Caroline Channing: Okay, she
is located

441
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:59,000
not in the spiritual
Constitution, theirs
to carry out financial transactions.

442
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:02,033
Just like my grandmother
all in an orphanage
wanted to bequeath.

443
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,833
That led to the diagnosis
Alzheimer's.

444
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:05,733
Max Black: Here.

445
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:07,667
Caroline Channing: Oh, me
can't believe

446
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,167
that I in my life
twice mine

447
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,767
lose all my fortune. Who
has the asthma spray?

448
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,233
[laughter]

449
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,600
Max Black: Look at it, me
have your name on it
written.

450
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:21,433
Deke: Deke big-ass, he never
work for something in life
had to?

451
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,767
Max Black: Oops, got yours
Forgotten middle name:

452
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:24,867
money-sucker,

453
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,400
the poor-swallowing number
pretended.

454
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,700
Silly me, we have that
same.

455
00:15:30,733 --> 00:15:33,067
Oh, yes, I just allow myself that
Best.

456
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,967
[laughter]

457
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,700
Deke: Enough, Max, stop.

458
00:15:36,733 --> 00:15:38,100
I'll do anything to please you
prove,

459
00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,300
that I'm not that rich
I'm a shitty guy.

460
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,700
But you don't take me seriously.

461
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,767
You only see mine
assets, but not me.

462
00:15:43,967 --> 00:15:45,867
I'll show you how much I care
money means

463
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,233
but you're right, it can
not

464
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:48,400
work with us.

465
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:50,867
Audience: Ooooch!

466
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:56,300
[music]

467
00:15:56,767 --> 00:16:00,233
Sophie Kachinsky: Max, oh, me
I got your gift.

468
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:02,600
I love my new vibrator.

469
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:04,900
[laughter]

470
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,800
Max Black: That's not it
Vibrator, that's a
handheld vacuum cleaner.

471
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:11,000
[laughter]

472
00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:14,800
Sophie Kachinsky: Oh, well,
There is no dust down there now
more.

473
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:17,833
Well, I'm at my table.

474
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,433
Female guest: Waiter?

475
00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:21,267
Service!

476
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,133
Max Black: Service, with whom
is she talking?

477
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:24,167
[Laughter]

478
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,900
Female Guest: Miss, this one
Salmon tastes like chicken.

479
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,767
Max Black: Funny, there is
it pig.

480
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,133
[laughter]

481
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,300
Female guest: I'm standing
not in rebellious ones
waitresses.

482
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,500
Max Black: Who is this?
Service from which you
constantly talking?

483
00:16:36,533 --> 00:16:37,500
[laughter]

484
00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,167
Female Guest: Listen, yours
job is,

485
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,267
to take the order,
to smile at me

486
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,333
and to serve me.

487
00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:45,000
Max Black: Oh shit no!

488
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,033
I don't have to listen to this!

489
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,433
I'll show you something
Sweety.

490
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,667
That was my bank statement when
I that

491
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:56,633
was last time at the ATM.

492
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,267
See what amount there
is listed,

493
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,767
read it out loud to me.

494
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:01,500
Female Guest: If you...
million

495
00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:03,367
Have dollars, why work
Are you here then?

496
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,467
Max Black: Good question.

497
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,900
[laughter]

498
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:11,300
Sophie Kachinsky: Hey, you
seem unfortunate to me.

499
00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:13,200
Do you want mine?
Rent a handheld vacuum cleaner?

500
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,333
[laughter]

501
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,267
This woman just asked:
"If I

502
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,100
have a million dollars, why
I

503
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:22,033
then work here."

504
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:23,367
Caroline Channing: They are
my words.

505
00:17:23,567 --> 00:17:25,533
Max Black: I mean, I have
a million dollars.

506
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,300
Caroline Channing: They are
my words.

507
00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:29,467
Max Black: That means I have to
don't work here.

508
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,733
Caroline Channing: Exactly,
these are my words!

509
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,600
Max Black: Your words, me
know I'm an idiot!

510
00:17:32,633 --> 00:17:33,933
I'll keep the money!

511
00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,433
Caroline Channing: They are
my words!

512
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:36,433
Han Lee: Max, Caroline?

513
00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:37,000
Max Black: No!

514
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,333
Han Lee: You don't even know
what I want.

515
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:41,633
Max Black: No matter what it is,
no, we have a million
Dollars!

516
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,233
Caroline Channing: Yes, we do
have a million dollars!

517
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:46,067
Max Black: Yes, we have one
Million dollars and I quit!

518
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,900
Caroline Channing: And me
quit too, baby.

519
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:50,100
I got this shithole
Hated it from the start!

520
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:52,467
Sayonara, you doorstop!

521
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,533
[laughter]

522
00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:55,867
Han Lee: Which is the bigger one

523
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,067
insult, sayonara or
Door stop?

524
00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,267
[laughter]

525
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:01,333
Max Black: I would say
Sayonara - doorstop!

526
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,467
[laughter]

527
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:05,767
Wow!

528
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:06,967
[Laughter]

529
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,667
You'll get naked faster than one
twelve year old,

530
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,700
who took a photo of Megan Fox
looked at.

531
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,800
Caroline Channing: Quick -
I'm trying

532
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:14,467
for three years, that thing
get rid of.

533
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,300
The zipper is stuck,
it's like a horror movie!

534
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,167
Help, free me from this
Shreds!

535
00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:20,667
Tear him, cut him open,

536
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,333
light him, but not mine
hair.

537
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:23,967
Whatever, I'll buy new ones
hair.

538
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,033
[laughter]

539
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:26,967
I've had enough, I'll take it
over the head.

540
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,233
Max Black: Yes, we are here
out - never

541
00:18:28,267 --> 00:18:30,333
Diner again, never again
Cupcakes!

542
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:32,200
Caroline Channing: Wait, never
Cupcakes again?

543
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,233
Have you gone crazy?

544
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,267
With the money we can
Business finally grow.

545
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:38,700
Max Black: It's fine for me
nothing grows.

546
00:18:38,733 --> 00:18:40,600
Except a fat one
Marijuana plant

547
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,400
on my bedside table.

548
00:18:41,433 --> 00:18:42,633
[laughter]

549
00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:43,833
Caroline Channing: But that is
our dream.

550
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:45,033
Max Black: I don't need one
Dream!

551
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,500
Dreams are for poor people!

552
00:18:46,933 --> 00:18:48,400
I have a million dollars!

553
00:18:48,433 --> 00:18:50,100
I don't have to go anymore
Pastry school.

554
00:18:50,133 --> 00:18:52,067
I may not even have to
go to the toilet more!

555
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,233
And I'll definitely stay there
in bed all day.

556
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,633
I'll never be anything again
do.

557
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:01,000
Oh my God, I never will
do something again.

558
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:02,967
We don't cancel.

559
00:19:06,033 --> 00:19:07,033
Caroline Channing: I knew
it!

560
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:08,067
[laughter]

561
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:10,533
You and the zipper
will imprison me here.

562
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:11,767
[laughter]

563
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,167
Max Black: I can't, you
you heard

564
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,633
like me with a million dollars
would be'.

565
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:15,967
I would be dead by 30.

566
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:18,633
Caroline Channing: But it is
not what you always do
wanted?

567
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,033
[music]

568
00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:23,733
[door knocking]

569
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:24,733
Max Black: Hey, Uncle Pennybags,

570
00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:27,100
are you home, I mean close
Containers?

571
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,333
[door opens]

572
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:30,700
Can I come in?

573
00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:32,133
Or do you already have me?
checked off?

574
00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:33,167
I would understand that.

575
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,533
Deke: No, come in, me
just sit around and fart
Diamonds.

576
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:37,967
[laughter]

577
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,033
Max Black: Listen, I have to
I apologize to you.

578
00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:44,300
I said that you are a
you're a bigwig,

579
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,867
who never had to work and in
'nem

580
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,400
Ivory container lives.

581
00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:49,433
Deke: Heard that already
officially to

582
00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:51,600
Sorry or will you
just all the nastiness

583
00:19:51,633 --> 00:19:52,633
repeat again?

584
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,200
Max Black: Just listen.

585
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,300
So I was right, you
you never had to work for anything.

586
00:19:57,567 --> 00:19:59,000
Deke: I'm starting to think you are
don't have any

587
00:19:59,033 --> 00:20:00,533
I know, like an apology
goes.

588
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,033
[laughter]

589
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,200
Max Black: But also if you
never for

590
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:05,000
what you had to work on, you do
it does.

591
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,867
You get up every day, you
do that

592
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,933
Pastry school and you build
Dumpster out.

593
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,300
You're doing a lot.

594
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,867
Deke: You know mine
Welfare association not yet.

595
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,500
Orgasms for old people.

596
00:20:13,533 --> 00:20:14,633
[laughter]

597
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,400
Max Black: I hope that was it
no joke.

598
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:17,733
[laughter]

599
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:20,533
I'll be honest, yours
Money has my eyes
blocked.

600
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,933
I only have the Smurf
seen.

601
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,933
And I thought, witches and
Smurfs can't be together
be,

602
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,833
but I was wrong.

603
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,000
Deke: Yes, and how.

604
00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:33,367
Caroline Channing: Max, me
hope you have

605
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,700
the check still, because I have
a new one

606
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,733
Investor found.

607
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,433
Serious man, comes along
Germany,

608
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:38,767
his name is Mr. Schluffen.

609
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,867
Max Black: Well, I'm sorry,
but I'm just giving it back.

610
00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:45,267
And your master can slurp
get lost.

611
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:46,367
[laughter]

612
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,300
Caroline Channing: Wait, Max,
can I keep the million?

613
00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:50,000
I just want for a short time
moment

614
00:20:50,033 --> 00:20:51,067
to the upper middle class
belong.

615
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,500
[laughter]

616
00:20:52,533 --> 00:20:55,133
[music]

617
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,933
Max Black: Caroline, give it to me
here!

618
00:20:57,033 --> 00:21:00,700
[music]

619
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:12,333
[theme music]

620
00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:21,767
[theme music]

621
00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:27,400
[WB Music]